Hello My Name is...

Tis the season!  The season of holiday parties and events.  The season that causes all extroverts to shout "Yippee!" and all introverts to sigh "Dear Lord, no!" and all the lower functioning extroverts and high functioning introverts to say "If I must...".

We all have those situations that aren't completely comfortable because we're with a bunch of people we don't know; either because they are a new group to us or a group that we don't know that well.  We know we have to put ourselves out there, but the environment is new to us and therefore SUPER uncomfortable.

If my parents were ever uncomfortable in a social situation, they had perfected the "fake it till you make it" technique.  My mother would ask you all about your family...and then would remember each little detail for the next time she'd see you.  Dad had been known to walk up to perfect strangers and say "I'm Bill. I don't believe you've met me!".  I am not my parents.

Like most people, I do well in situations where I know the environment or the people.  But I have observed something that I think we all need to be aware of.  If you are in a situation where you are comfortable, look out for the one who isn't.

I have a sweet friend who is very social.  When she was the group meeting leader; she deputized a friend to handle the "nitty gritty details".  They weren't her strength and it freed her up to do what she did best--make people feel welcome.  When I was the group meeting leader, I was more about the details...but I forgot one very important one.  I should have deputized someone to make sure everyone felt they belonged.  This does not necessarily mean "icebreakers".  If you aren't an extrovert or part of the inner circle, those may make you want to run for the exit.  And, I'll be right behind you!

The difficulty, of course, is that if you are already part of the group, you want to catch up with the people in your group.  It's a lot more work to look out for the lost.  Besides, then you're missing out on your chance to catch up.

And...how embarrassing is it to greet someone as a newbie and then find out that they're not?  This is a particular problem in churches with multiple services.  You're never sure if someone is truly new, or if they're just at a different service.

Of course, we've all been at events where the newbies are "marked" at the entrance.  Cuz nothing says welcome like a 2 lb. mum on your shoulder marking you as "fresh meat" to all the regulars!  But, perhaps there's a way to cue the regulars without making the newbie feel as odd man out?  Maybe you could use blue nametags for regulars and red for newbies.  Maybe members of your group would walk alongside the newbies and introduce them around.  As long as the regulars "know the code",  and it doesn't make the newbies feel uncomfortable, any system will work!

Oh, and one last thing.  Someone who is new is probably not going to bare their soul to you, but they may have additional reasons for avoiding new situations.  Maybe they know they're not going to remember names (nametags?)  Maybe they've been treated badly in a similar situation.  My complication is that I have a moderate hearing loss.  I'm only going to catch about 50% of what you say, unless the room is very quiet or you speak very loudly.  And to hear that 50%, I have to listen very intently which can be a lot of work.  I'm always wondering what I missed, or misunderstood.

So, this holiday season, look for the newbie.  If you are comfortable with the environment, introduce yourself to people and bring them into your circle.  Many churches will have visitors over the next few weeks.  See if you can make a new friend every week.  Don't expect the newbie to come find you (that was actually suggested to me by a pastor once)! That's like expecting someone on their first cruise to captain the ship!  Be Jesus with skin on!

Feeling blessed, how about you?

Jesus is Coming! Put down the duster!

I have a friend who says that "if you're coming to see the house, make an appointment.  If you're coming to see us, come on over!"  What a wonderful "Mary attitude"!

On the other hand, many of us treat the Christmas season as an opportunity to audition for the "Win a Chance to Host Jesus" reality TV show.  Every decoration must be perfect, everything must be homemade and every present must be perfectly chosen and wrapped.  How "Martha" of us!

Our children  will not remember what they got for Christmas ten years from now.  They will remember dancing to "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree" with you.  They will not remember designer cookies, but they will remember standing on a stool helping you cut them out...if you're having fun.

And that's the key, people.  It's better to be in the living room, living rather than creating the "perfect Christmas" like Attila the Hun conquering the East.  I mean, really, who wants Attila the Hun as a mom?

And to relate this back to Martha's desire to be Martha Stewart--she forgot a couple of important details.  This was Jesus, baby!  How often did she get to spend time with Him?  And...they were guys.  Guys don't need designer cookies.  Give 'em a plate of nachos and they're happy.  And then she could have been in the living room with a smile on her face.

So, enjoy this season!  Make a mess, have some fun!  After all, Jesus is coming and you don't want to miss it!
Feeling blessed, how about you?

Christmas Letters

Over the years people have let me know how they feel about the infamous Christmas letter.  Some are for them, but many are against a "form letter".

My family has been writing Christmas letters for over 50 years.  I have a scrapbook full of them.  My mother would agonize for weeks over every word.  I do the same.  Does the letter hit the high points of each person's year. Is everyone equally represented?  Is it creative (some years I've been lucky just to finish the letter)?

But I have finally realized something about those letters.  They are a record of our family's history.  To you, they may be something to read and toss...but to me, they are a yearbook!

About 5 years ago, I started adding a photo greeting card to go with the letter.  Each year I save one letter for my scrapbook and one for each of the kids.  I have friends who are known for their creative letters.  I wish I was, but at least I have a record of each year!

So when you receive my Christmas letter, I hope you enjoy it.  But, if you don't, please understand that I am writing a love letter to my kids...and just sharing it with you!

Feeling blessed, how about you?