Hello My Name is...

Tis the season!  The season of holiday parties and events.  The season that causes all extroverts to shout "Yippee!" and all introverts to sigh "Dear Lord, no!" and all the lower functioning extroverts and high functioning introverts to say "If I must...".

We all have those situations that aren't completely comfortable because we're with a bunch of people we don't know; either because they are a new group to us or a group that we don't know that well.  We know we have to put ourselves out there, but the environment is new to us and therefore SUPER uncomfortable.

If my parents were ever uncomfortable in a social situation, they had perfected the "fake it till you make it" technique.  My mother would ask you all about your family...and then would remember each little detail for the next time she'd see you.  Dad had been known to walk up to perfect strangers and say "I'm Bill. I don't believe you've met me!".  I am not my parents.

Like most people, I do well in situations where I know the environment or the people.  But I have observed something that I think we all need to be aware of.  If you are in a situation where you are comfortable, look out for the one who isn't.

I have a sweet friend who is very social.  When she was the group meeting leader; she deputized a friend to handle the "nitty gritty details".  They weren't her strength and it freed her up to do what she did best--make people feel welcome.  When I was the group meeting leader, I was more about the details...but I forgot one very important one.  I should have deputized someone to make sure everyone felt they belonged.  This does not necessarily mean "icebreakers".  If you aren't an extrovert or part of the inner circle, those may make you want to run for the exit.  And, I'll be right behind you!

The difficulty, of course, is that if you are already part of the group, you want to catch up with the people in your group.  It's a lot more work to look out for the lost.  Besides, then you're missing out on your chance to catch up.

And...how embarrassing is it to greet someone as a newbie and then find out that they're not?  This is a particular problem in churches with multiple services.  You're never sure if someone is truly new, or if they're just at a different service.

Of course, we've all been at events where the newbies are "marked" at the entrance.  Cuz nothing says welcome like a 2 lb. mum on your shoulder marking you as "fresh meat" to all the regulars!  But, perhaps there's a way to cue the regulars without making the newbie feel as odd man out?  Maybe you could use blue nametags for regulars and red for newbies.  Maybe members of your group would walk alongside the newbies and introduce them around.  As long as the regulars "know the code",  and it doesn't make the newbies feel uncomfortable, any system will work!

Oh, and one last thing.  Someone who is new is probably not going to bare their soul to you, but they may have additional reasons for avoiding new situations.  Maybe they know they're not going to remember names (nametags?)  Maybe they've been treated badly in a similar situation.  My complication is that I have a moderate hearing loss.  I'm only going to catch about 50% of what you say, unless the room is very quiet or you speak very loudly.  And to hear that 50%, I have to listen very intently which can be a lot of work.  I'm always wondering what I missed, or misunderstood.

So, this holiday season, look for the newbie.  If you are comfortable with the environment, introduce yourself to people and bring them into your circle.  Many churches will have visitors over the next few weeks.  See if you can make a new friend every week.  Don't expect the newbie to come find you (that was actually suggested to me by a pastor once)! That's like expecting someone on their first cruise to captain the ship!  Be Jesus with skin on!

Feeling blessed, how about you?

The Crisis and the Pity Pool!

Ten days ago, Florida experienced a hurricane.  A massive hurricane.  A hurricane that covered our entire state, and then some.  It went over Carribbean islands as a Cat 5 and was a "mere" Cat 4 when it came ashore around Naples.  Irma was a Cat 1 by the time she got to us, which was a very good thing.

But, it is important to remember a few things--Houston was devastated by Hurricane Harvey beginning on 8/25/17.  Hurricane Irma,  although it didn't make landfall in the states until 9/10/17, was being closely watched by all media (all the time) from Labor Day (9/4) on. And we thought we were going to be hit by a stronger hurricane until a few hours before it made landfall. Hurricane Maria formed the following weekend, following an eerily similar (and for the the Carribbean islands, as devastating a) path as Irma .

All this is to say that being at DEFCON 1 (maybe 2, if you don't get easily ruffled) is a very wearing place to live. Yes, we only had minor damage to the house, but it took us a week to prepare and a week to clean up; we have a roof repair yet, and there is currently a large, partially separated branch dangling directly over our power line.  The only benefit over Hurricane Hugo, which we also went through, is that I didn't have to wait 2 days to find out if Cindy was OK at her apartment because we never lost our cell phones.

Which brings me to those cute little puppies in the pool.  Folks--we all have a pity pool.  Some are bigger than others.  Some are used more frequently; BUT we all have them.  They are not a bad thing.  They are a coping skill.  You'll notice that I did not call it a pity bathtub.  It is not for soaking in until your skin is pruney.   But, if life hands you lemons, then you deserve, and have earned, a dip in the pity pool.  You'll feel better if you acknowledge that life is not fun.  You'll feel even better if your friends honor your "pool time".

As God would have it, my Bible study is currently in Job.  Imagine if, instead of pontificating from their posteriors, Job's friends had acknowledged that his life currently stunk.  It wouldn't have changed his circumstances, except that he wouldn't have felt so alone.  And that, my friends, would have made all the difference.

They wouldn't have had to join him in the pity pool, just given him the right to be there.  And prayed for him.  And stood by him.  And, maybe even reminded him that the pity pool is not a spa.  When you go through trauma, you need your faith, your family and your friends.  Job had none of that.  We can do better for our friends.

If you need me, I'll be swirling my toesies in my inflatable pity pool!  Care to join me?
Feeling blessed, how about you?