Exhale...and channel your inner dog!

I receive posts from a number of dog rescue organizations.  Most are breed specific and so they have a "breed description" on their page.  After all, if you are not a person who enjoys long walks and throwing a ball for hours; you don't want to be paired with a dog who NEEDS that or he will get into all sorts of mischief!  They don't try to change the breed programming, they try to find a family that matches it!  For example, I told a herd dog rescue--"I don't mind being herded, I just don't want to have to run to do it".

So why do we humans volunteer for jobs that aren't part of OUR programming?  It seems to start with the notion that "if not us, then who".  Well, that may be true; but that still doesn't mean that it's YOUR job! Sometimes we have to leave the opportunity for the right person to pick up.

I have been fortunate enough to be a launch team member for a fabulous new book, (which is available for pre-order now).   This book is chock full of reasons NOT to take on every volunteer position offered to you.  Serve in your area of strength or interest only.  Not sure how to figure that out?  Remember that Jesus only did what the Father told him to do....not what everyone else expected!  If you pre-order the book, you will receive the "Expectation Evaluation" to help you figure out what God is telling you!  Remember that while we are all part of the body (1 Corinthians 12) we are not ALL PARTS of the body.

Feeling blessed, how about you?

There's a Planner for that!

When I was growing up, my mother always had a planner. It was actually one given to my dad every year at work, but it didn't work for him so Mother got it.  Mother could make ANYTHING work (well, except for us kids...but that's another post).

This year our baby graduated from college.  While she has been living away for several years, she is now completely on her own and so we had to cover "planner 101 for post grad use".  This, of course, reminded me of my own struggles.  If you have a student who is soon to be an adult, this is probably a topic you want to cover the same way you cover budgets and changing a tire.

Mother never showed us the magic of planner use.  Maybe she thought we got it from osmosis, I don't know.  I do know that her organization gene skipped a generation...at least for me.  I spent years chasing her mad skills and finally developed a system of my own.  It's not as good as hers, but it works well enough!  My mother actually never had an overdue library book!  That's how good she was!  Here is what I learned from her--

1. Different planners work for different folks.  Some people LOVE a daily planner for all the details.  I prefer a weekly or monthly planner so that I don't overload several days in a row.  Don't invest a ton of money until you know what style works for you.
2. If you love office supply stores like I do, you take a BIG chance every time you go in one!  Every single little supply that feeds your planner crush will end up in your cart.  You may even end up with 12 planners because you see something new and exciting every time you go in.  You may want to avoid stores like the plague while you dial in your system!
3. You may be a person who does well with the planner on your phone.  I need something that is "in my face" and where I can put my "to do list".  However I also put appointments on my phone so that I can carry my calendar with me.
4. "Upload" all the minutiae of your life into your planner.  That's what it's for.  It will remind you of when library books are due, when you get paid, all of your appointments.  Then you don't have to use your brain cells for that!  
5. Get in the habit of "feeding the monkey" regularly.  Your planner is only as good as the details you put in it.
6. Lastly, get in the habit of looking at your planner daily.  If you don't look at it, it can't help you.

I have been through many planners.  They frequently change when life goes through change.   Currently, we're looking at retirement, so we need a calendar that works for both of us.  Because of that, I have gone back to the monthly calendar on the fridge.  I have post it note strips for our menu choices, so that I can plan the menu for the week right on the calendar.  Additionally, I loaded all the dinner menus we currently use into my phone calendar on a 4 week cycle.  I use that as a tickler to keep me from using the same menu every week and to help me remember what choices we have.  This week I used 4 of this week's choices and added the 3 that I didn't use last week, since I already had those ingredients.  I also use post it note strips for tasks that repeat like the dog's heartworm meds or air filter changes.

I also use colored (and actually erasable too) pens with a different color for each person for appointments on the calendar.  This enables everyone in the family to see what everyone else is doing.  And...the erasable pen concept speaks for itself.  I discovered that, like my mother, I was the hub who knew what everyone was up to.  If I wasn't able to tell everyone who had what scheduled, the calendar is a good stand in.  Even moms get sick days!

I'll let you in on a little secret.  I put my to do list on a post it note too.  Why? Because I rarely complete all the to do's for any given day ON that day.  It's easy to bring the list forward if it's on a post it note.  Cheating?  Perhaps, but it makes my life easier. :D  And the point is to have a system that works for you, not your neighbor!

Lastly, you'll see a little orange post it at the bottom.  I have one for each month with the family/friend birthdays for the month.  Every year, I move them over to my new calendar.  I may still be a few days late, but at least I'm remembering people's birthdays.  Of course, Mother was never even late...but it's a goal to aspire to!

Feeling blessed, how about you?

Can You Hear Me Now?

For the last 40 years I have been losing my hearing.  Nothing catastrophic, just a little each year.  Every year a new coping strategy would creep in--husband stays by side so that I don't smile and say "that's great" to a friend's tragic story at a party.  Kids speak a little louder.  You get the idea.

I tried hearing aids.  They rubbed the side of my ears raw.  I didn't enjoy the experience.  I quit wearing them.  You might be surprised to learn that they don't work as well in the box.

After 8 years of "occasional wear", the hearing aids finally gave up the ghost.  Hubs asked me to try again, because he's afraid I'll walk out in front of a car.  He has a good point, but I say it's because the cars are quieter these days! ;-)

So...last week I went through the process again.  Still have a hearing loss...I know you're shocked!  I chose a much smaller, but still rechargeable hearing aid...in HOT PINK!  You won't be able to see them under my hair and they make me happy.  I am in the "learning to adjust" phase of  wearing the new aids.  I'm doing OK with the fit, I just don't understand how the rest of you handle all the noise in everyday life.

The audiologist that fitted the aids started with a ceiling of the volume I could handle.  The headaches were so bad that we reduced that considerably today.  I have the utmost admiration for those of you with "normal" hearing who are able to function on a daily basis.  You are amazing!  In the meantime, I'll be asking Chick Fil A to turn down the "background music"...and the children!
Feeling blessed, how about you?

Hello My Name is...

Tis the season!  The season of holiday parties and events.  The season that causes all extroverts to shout "Yippee!" and all introverts to sigh "Dear Lord, no!" and all the lower functioning extroverts and high functioning introverts to say "If I must...".

We all have those situations that aren't completely comfortable because we're with a bunch of people we don't know; either because they are a new group to us or a group that we don't know that well.  We know we have to put ourselves out there, but the environment is new to us and therefore SUPER uncomfortable.

If my parents were ever uncomfortable in a social situation, they had perfected the "fake it till you make it" technique.  My mother would ask you all about your family...and then would remember each little detail for the next time she'd see you.  Dad had been known to walk up to perfect strangers and say "I'm Bill. I don't believe you've met me!".  I am not my parents.

Like most people, I do well in situations where I know the environment or the people.  But I have observed something that I think we all need to be aware of.  If you are in a situation where you are comfortable, look out for the one who isn't.

I have a sweet friend who is very social.  When she was the group meeting leader; she deputized a friend to handle the "nitty gritty details".  They weren't her strength and it freed her up to do what she did best--make people feel welcome.  When I was the group meeting leader, I was more about the details...but I forgot one very important one.  I should have deputized someone to make sure everyone felt they belonged.  This does not necessarily mean "icebreakers".  If you aren't an extrovert or part of the inner circle, those may make you want to run for the exit.  And, I'll be right behind you!

The difficulty, of course, is that if you are already part of the group, you want to catch up with the people in your group.  It's a lot more work to look out for the lost.  Besides, then you're missing out on your chance to catch up.

And...how embarrassing is it to greet someone as a newbie and then find out that they're not?  This is a particular problem in churches with multiple services.  You're never sure if someone is truly new, or if they're just at a different service.

Of course, we've all been at events where the newbies are "marked" at the entrance.  Cuz nothing says welcome like a 2 lb. mum on your shoulder marking you as "fresh meat" to all the regulars!  But, perhaps there's a way to cue the regulars without making the newbie feel as odd man out?  Maybe you could use blue nametags for regulars and red for newbies.  Maybe members of your group would walk alongside the newbies and introduce them around.  As long as the regulars "know the code",  and it doesn't make the newbies feel uncomfortable, any system will work!

Oh, and one last thing.  Someone who is new is probably not going to bare their soul to you, but they may have additional reasons for avoiding new situations.  Maybe they know they're not going to remember names (nametags?)  Maybe they've been treated badly in a similar situation.  My complication is that I have a moderate hearing loss.  I'm only going to catch about 50% of what you say, unless the room is very quiet or you speak very loudly.  And to hear that 50%, I have to listen very intently which can be a lot of work.  I'm always wondering what I missed, or misunderstood.

So, this holiday season, look for the newbie.  If you are comfortable with the environment, introduce yourself to people and bring them into your circle.  Many churches will have visitors over the next few weeks.  See if you can make a new friend every week.  Don't expect the newbie to come find you (that was actually suggested to me by a pastor once)! That's like expecting someone on their first cruise to captain the ship!  Be Jesus with skin on!

Feeling blessed, how about you?

Phases of the House...Life...Whatever!

I don't know what I expected adulthood to look like, but I'm fairly certain this wasn't it!  I was very fortunate that Mom paid for almost all the chores we did.  Of course, we didn't get a set allowance so if you wanted money, you did chores!

Then a miracle occurred!  I became a neatnik.  I don't know what cleanliness was next to, but neatness was necessary!  This carried me through college and the first few years of marriage.  In fact, I was such a neatnik that I actually polished the copper bottom off of a pan.  But momentum like that can only carry you so far.  Eventually you will enter the "higher levels" of household maintenance...

1. How in heaven's name did my mother do what she did...and why can't I?

• Somehow my mother raised 3 children, with no car during the school days, kept some sanity AND never missed an appointment or had an overdue library book.
• Additionally, we were raised in an era when babies wore cloth diapers and bottles had to be sterilized.
• Family vacations were taken to cabins, so Mom had to bring all of her supplies and rainy day entertainment for everyone (no electronics and no TV).  We rarely ate out, so she was taking the WHOLE show on the road.

       2. The children are alive, what more do you want?

• I, on the other hand, barely managed with 2 kids.  In fairness, I had one who only slept 15 minutes every 2 hours and the other is an adult and still doesn't sleep through the night.
• And...if you add in homeschooling, your new standard becomes "we either educate or we clean, we can't do both!

     3. Forget the tiara, this princess wants "staff"!

• When the kids are little, their sweet little help isn't really helpful.
• When they can help, they don't want to.
• When they're teenagers, they would prefer to live anywhere but with you!

      4. In my defense, I was left unsupervised!

• Then the children move out, and other than the cat/dog hair, the house stays "cleaner".
• Additionally, you may develop a "what does it really matter" attitude.
• And there are those Hallmark movies to watch...and don't forget social media...and hobbies and, well, "who has time for housework"?

I learned that the reason my mother was so organized is that she used her planner to the fullest, and didn't waste time.  Of course, she didn't have to contend with social media, but I still think she'd have done a better job than I have.

I've learned that a family can survive on pastries, bologna sandwiches and Stouffer's entrees when they need to.  Paper plates can be "fine china" if you want them to be!

I've learned that the relationship with your family and readying your kiddos for adulthood matters WAY more than whether the kids' outfits match or whether the shoes are on the correct feet.

I've learned that as long as your house is "good enough to avoid a visit from a social worker", no one will remember whether it was clean or not.  And friends who will remember need to visit with you at a coffee shop!

I've learned that it is more important for your children to know HOW to learn and how to ask questions than it is to "help" them so that you have honor students.  After all, what's the honor in that?  Additionally it is important to give them a chance to practice adulting!

I've learned that ALL of your family need to know that you believe in them.

AND, I've learned that I enjoy being unsupervised!

Feeling blessed, how about you?

"I think I can!"

Do you think you can?

At the Family Weekend for our daughter's university, I was able to speak to the President of the university about predictors of success.  Since this is a STEM university; there are students who are exceedingly book smart, but not always successful.  This is not only because they are a STEM university;  there have been a number of articles written recently about young men and women who don't have the "keys for success".  Why do some students flourish and others fail?

The general consensus is that if a person is able to dig down and try again and even learn from what they did the first time; those are people who will succeed.  Call it grit, moxie or whatever ever you want; but be like the "little engine that could".

Did you notice that the predictor of success has nothing to do with intelligence?  It has to do with your hunger for success.  It has to do with your ability to pick yourself up and try again.  It has to do with your ability to say "well, let's not try it THAT way again" and try something different.  And it might have a little something to do with listening to those who have gone before you.  It has everything to do with SHOWING UP each and every day!

It is also important to remember that the person who crosses the finish line last...still finished.  Not everyone is going to be a shining star.  And that's a good thing, because slow and steady wins the race.

For example, our daughter worked her internship this summer.  She told the company that she was interested in any part time opportunities that might come up.  At the beginning of the semester, she hadn't heard from them, but a professor at the university asked her to be his teaching assistant.  Did you notice that?  She didn't apply for a job posting, he approached her BECAUSE she had been an involved, hard working student in his classes.  Six weeks after that, her internship company contacted her about a part time project that they need help  with.  You never know which contacts are going to bear fruit.  Always do your best.  Always show up.  And remember that you don't have to be THE best, but you do have to be YOUR best!

Feeling blessed, how about you?

The Crisis and the Pity Pool!

Ten days ago, Florida experienced a hurricane.  A massive hurricane.  A hurricane that covered our entire state, and then some.  It went over Carribbean islands as a Cat 5 and was a "mere" Cat 4 when it came ashore around Naples.  Irma was a Cat 1 by the time she got to us, which was a very good thing.

But, it is important to remember a few things--Houston was devastated by Hurricane Harvey beginning on 8/25/17.  Hurricane Irma,  although it didn't make landfall in the states until 9/10/17, was being closely watched by all media (all the time) from Labor Day (9/4) on. And we thought we were going to be hit by a stronger hurricane until a few hours before it made landfall. Hurricane Maria formed the following weekend, following an eerily similar (and for the the Carribbean islands, as devastating a) path as Irma .

All this is to say that being at DEFCON 1 (maybe 2, if you don't get easily ruffled) is a very wearing place to live. Yes, we only had minor damage to the house, but it took us a week to prepare and a week to clean up; we have a roof repair yet, and there is currently a large, partially separated branch dangling directly over our power line.  The only benefit over Hurricane Hugo, which we also went through, is that I didn't have to wait 2 days to find out if Cindy was OK at her apartment because we never lost our cell phones.

Which brings me to those cute little puppies in the pool.  Folks--we all have a pity pool.  Some are bigger than others.  Some are used more frequently; BUT we all have them.  They are not a bad thing.  They are a coping skill.  You'll notice that I did not call it a pity bathtub.  It is not for soaking in until your skin is pruney.   But, if life hands you lemons, then you deserve, and have earned, a dip in the pity pool.  You'll feel better if you acknowledge that life is not fun.  You'll feel even better if your friends honor your "pool time".

As God would have it, my Bible study is currently in Job.  Imagine if, instead of pontificating from their posteriors, Job's friends had acknowledged that his life currently stunk.  It wouldn't have changed his circumstances, except that he wouldn't have felt so alone.  And that, my friends, would have made all the difference.

They wouldn't have had to join him in the pity pool, just given him the right to be there.  And prayed for him.  And stood by him.  And, maybe even reminded him that the pity pool is not a spa.  When you go through trauma, you need your faith, your family and your friends.  Job had none of that.  We can do better for our friends.

If you need me, I'll be swirling my toesies in my inflatable pity pool!  Care to join me?
Feeling blessed, how about you?

When "back to school" means "away from home"

I know you want to avoid it!  That "wonderful" rite of passage known as "taking the kiddo to college".  Move in day is a royal pain.  The kiddo packs everything they own, hoping it will fit into a room the size of a postage stamp.  And we pray that we parents don't have a heart attack lugging it all in!

Or...they forget to pack their underwear. Or...they've never operated a washer on their own and don't wash clothes until said clothes are able to walk to the washer in self defense.  Or what if they starve to death because they hate the dorm food?  Or if darling daughter needs thousands of dollars to pay for therapy after gaining the dreaded freshman 15 and her skinny jeans don't fit?  And maybe some professor will say something mean to them...or they'll forget an assignment is due because you're not there to remind them.

Yes, those things MAY happen (except the therapy.  I was kidding about that).  And your kiddo will do some growing up.  And it will hurt your feelings as much as it hurts theirs!  And you, dear parent, will need to cope as much as they do.

Since I am a very practical person, here are a few tips that have helped me to cope.  First, sit down with your kiddo before move in day and set some parameters.  For our son, each time he went back to school, he would send texts every day or two stating that he was still alive...for a week or two.  That gave me time to adjust to his departure.  Daughter (who is currently in college) generally calls or Facebook messages every day.  Our son really wanted to establish his independence, but as I told him, I had been "mothering" for 18 years and couldn't quit cold turkey.  And (this is VERY important), stick to your end of the bargain.  If you can do that, they WILL call when they need you.

There are a few things you can do to mother "long distance".

1. Let them be adults.  You are now "hero support".  You have spent 18 years getting them ready for this.  They can do it.  Let them!
2. With regard to any forgotten items, such as the missing underwear--Amazon delivers...as does WalMart and any other retailers.  Please don't mention to the other parents at orientation that your kiddo forgot to pack something, just arrange for it's arrival and you will be Super Mom!
3. If your kiddo is not used to operating household appliances, write the instructions for operation in a notebook.  Once written, trust that your young adult can take it from there.  This includes instructions to not wash reds and whites together lest you have a closet filled with lovely pink items.  This way they have access to your wisdom at any time of the day or night.
4. Leave (or arrange for delivery) of a "Dr. Mom box".  We all know that you never feel as sick as you do at 3 a.m.  I always wrote the symptom (on an index card or in the notebook that you're writing your other advice in) and then the over the counter med that solves their problem.  The corresponding medicine should be in the box.  My daughter calls this box "a hug from Mom".  Provide meds for all the likely illnesses and general first aid.  Don't forget to provide for all of the symptoms discussed in the Pepto Bismol commercial.  Your kiddo may scream "Moooooommmm", but they'll thank you if the change in diet doesn't agree with them!  For example
1. Stuffy Nose--1 Sudafed every X hours, use saline nasal spray as needed.
5. Give your kiddo a "mail box" with stamps, return address labels, and greeting cards.  You may also want to include address labels for Grandma or anyone else they may want to send a card. Don't forget to give them a list of family birthdays.
6. Mail matters.  Even if you talk to your kiddo every day, they love getting something that isn't a bill in the mail.  Drop a fun card in the mail every so often. (Hint: my mother mailed the first card BEFORE we left for move in day, because she knew I'd be lonelier than I thought I would be)  And don't forget to send a treat if your kiddo has a tough week ahead, such as midterms or finals.  We usually provide pizza money, but my kiddo is off campus. 
7. Provide basic cleaning supplies.  And while you may prefer scrubbing on your hands and knees, a swiffer has a better chance of actually being used. 😄  We like cleaning wipes, swiffer clothes & mop handle (dusting/sweeping and damp mopping), daily shower spray and a simple vacuum (if your kiddo has roommates, you may not need to provide the vaccum). Don't forget the dishwashing soap!
8. Don't forget close friends.  Our daughter is involved in a small campus group.  I usually provide Silly Putty for them all at exam time, because it is fun to beat up on and mash while you study.
9. Don't forget to pray for them, each and every day!

And lastly, be available for what your kiddo wants/needs.  I am the preferred paper proof reader.  I do not understand the topic being discussed in daughter's papers (she's in a STEM major), but I can check for sentence fragments and spelling errors. She also likes lunch/shopping days.  For our son, we took him out to lunch, and helped with emergency car repairs.  It's different parenting an adult, but with a little practice this stage of life is a LOT of fun!

Feeling blessed, how about you!

Failure to Launch...or Wildly Successful?

As I've said in previous posts, I COULD be that mom.  You know, the one for advice for every scenario.  Oh wait, I AM that mom...but I don't need to be!

In fairness, I haven't been in the business office for either kids' university since they were registered full time (and only then because the credit card was in my name).  I haven't known my daughter's class schedule for 2 years.  The last time I was on campus was Parents' Weekend in October.  I've never met anyone at her internship.  And most importantly, none of her professors since she started at Poly would be able to pick me out of a lineup!

And today she handled her first car repair, armed only with the knowledge that her dad was a phone call away.  Handled it perfectly too.  We knew she would!

She does call almost every day.  I'm so glad she does, her life is MUCH more interesting than my account of which bathroom was dirtier.  Besides, I like being needed.  We had a big laugh last week about a "calls to Mom" meme that included things like "How do I make rice".  Don't you love it when your kids say the same thing that you taught them?  Her response was "follow the instructions on the box".

In fairness, we do have a system set up for the "weird and infrequent".  You know--illness, writing a check (which in this era of computerized banking is infrequent), and basic repairs.  For our son, I had an index card binder.  It only had cards for various illnesses.  There were things like "for itchy eyes or allergic reaction take 1-2 Benedryl  Warning--you will feel a nap attack coming on!".  I put it in a box with all the meds mentioned on the index cards.  For our daughter we had a more complete list of "likely questions"; so she has a binder.

If I had it to do over, I would have started the binder sooner.  I included favorite recipes, the "what to do when you're sick" instructions and a section on basic household maintenance.  For example, back in the day, my brother didn't know that the vacuum cleaner needed a bag (which created quite a mess).  Obviously, the binder isn't sufficient if your kiddo isn't familiar with basic household skills.  Take advantage of the high school years for basic practice. Do they know the difference between boil, simmer, brown, bake & broil?  Do they know how to check the air pressure in their car's tires?  Can they sort, wash and dry their laundry?  In our daughter's case, she left for college 6 weeks after she was accepted.  If we hadn't been prepping for years, we would have been in big trouble!

Lastly, it has been discussed in many articles that a lot of young adults are lacking in soft skills.  Do your kids know how to answer a phone in a business like manner?  Are they able to introduce themselves in a businesslike manner?  Do they know how to conduct themselves in a business setting?  And, by the way,  they'll miss out on some great instruction if they don't put the phone down during class.  These are all skills that will come in very handy during college and job interviews!

Feeling blessed, how about you?

The Day that Mom was Wrong...

When we homeschooled, I had laser focus on the things my kiddos needed to work on.  Now that they are adults, I wish I had had laser focus on what they did well!

For our daughter, illegible handwriting was one of "those things".  I ranted.  I raved. I made her do it again...and again.  "Honey, handwriting is a form of communication.  If I can't read it, you're not communicating!"  It was a battle I never won.  I took comfort in the fact that all of her assignments in college were done on a computer.  And she could read her own notes.  And finally...she was over 21, and if it hadn't taken by now; she would have to deal with it!

Until yesterday.  Yesterday, at her internship (IT at a retail corporate office); she was complimented on her handwriting.  Apparently, messy handwriting is a thing for computer geeks.  Maybe it's a sign of intelligence.  Or maybe...just maybe...I was wrong...

Feeling blessed!  How about you?

Use that helicopter for SHORT hops!

This post was actually started several months ago, but I forgot to publish it!
We have just started year 3 away from home for dear daughter.  Her heading away to college came with very short notice in the middle of an incredibly busy summer!  The university was close enough for us to get there in an emergency and far enough away for her to need to move out.  She moved 10 days after her brother's wedding across the country and a mere 6 weeks after her acceptance into the university.

This meant that whatever prep we had done for her living on her own had to be complete already.  Those 6 weeks were full of finding an apartment and furnishing said apartment, hiring movers and getting ready to travel to/from the wedding.  In other words, as a "helicopter parent" my helicopter had better have already taken off...and landed!

You've heard about helicopter parents, right?  They're always all the rage in the news when kids go back to college.  These are the parents who hover above their little darlings, smoothing their path every step of the way.  I even read about one parent who was doing her daughter's homework in COLLEGE, because she wanted her to succeed.  I shudder to think about what she was planning to do to for her daughter's career.

The truth of the matter, of course, is that parents are trying to work themselves OUT of a job.  But our instincts are to make everything wonderful for our precious kiddos; like we did for the first part of their lives. But, don't you remember what it felt like when you were first on your own?  OK, not everything was wonderful.  There were burned dinners and missed opportunities.  BUT those opportunities...the potential-- glorious, wasn't it?

I am so glad that Cindy had her chance to take on the world.  She was starting at a brand new state university.  Even the professors were new to the campus.  The buildings were new, the classes were new.  So everyone had an equal opportunity to screw things up!  But she didn't.  She succeeded beyond my wildest dreams.  Clue #1--if your dreams have limits, don't tell your kiddo.  That way they'll really reach for their own dreams!

Instead, start teaching them to live on their own early.  Let them pour their drinks over the dishwasher door, so that the drips are contained in the dishwasher.  Let them mop your floors with the socks on their feet.  Let them try while they're in a controlled environment.  Clue #2--If it's not good enough, tell them...but gently.  You don't want to extinguish the flame, just trim the wick!

Think about what your little precious ones will need to know out in the real world.  One of the things that I did for Cindy was to put a section in her cookbook binder for those things that don't happen often and their remedies.  Let's face it folks, a cold/fever/flu is always at it's worst at 2 a.m...and I'm not at MY best then either!  And send them off with an "emergency meds kit" so that they are ready to handle it.  Clue #3--Set them up for success!

And lastly, give them room to grow.  A potted plant can't grow any bigger than the pot that it is in.  At some point, you have to let your plant grow bigger than your 4 walls.  Give them a chance to try.  Be there when they need support, but let them know that you KNOW they can do it!  Clue #4--Because, you know what?  They CAN!

Oh...and one last clue--THE EMPTY NEST ROCKS!

Feeling blessed, how about you?

Adult Mom-ing!

Moms--you will always be a mom. Don't be sad as your kiddos scream into adulthood (sometimes literally)! You may not wake up KNOWING that you will be "mom-ing" today. The stuff that you have to "mom" will most likely be bigger than Cheerios vs. Rice Krispies or playing "What's that Smell". You will have to be on your game instantaneously.

But, hey, you've been prepping your kid's entire lives for this! You don't get to stretch your Mom-ness that often anymore. So, when your kids call with a question, problem or concern; sit down and listen. Pay attention to them, because who knows when the next opportunity will come. If you're lucky enough to live close to your munchkins, put on a pot of coffee and have an adult moment. Personally, I'm not that lucky...but I did learn today not to try to eat a peanut butter sandwich during a "mom moment"!

And if you're really lucky, you might get to "Mom" ALL of your adult children in a 6 hour period! And then you will need a nap, I promise! So what did I get to "mom" today?

• Do I try to graduate from college a semester early (since I'm only one class off) 
• 15 credit hours + activities + job is enough in one semester 
• Which class do I drop then? 
• Mutually, we decided the one that she needed an override to take 
• My car breathed it's last and won't move. How do I get rid of the carcass? 
• I, of course, segued right in to buying the new one and how old is too old, etc.
• Is this a good price for the car carcass?
• Probably the best you'll do and you won't have to worry about it anymore. 

You will always be needed, Mom. Enjoy the "mom moments" and if your mama is still around, give her a thrill and call with a mom moment.

And kiddos? Call your mom!!! She needs to be needed! And thanks, kids, for letting me into your lives today!  Feeling blessed, how about you?

Education Gaps!

A Facebook friend of mine shared a post on "getting your kids to want to help around the house".  I confess, I never had much luck with that.  I think that was mostly because my kids were too smart to see housework for anything other than work!

In the interest of keeping the house "less attitudinal", I abandoned "clean your room".  I opted instead for "keep it clean enough to keep DCF and pests away".  However, the common areas of the house were a different matter.  We parents had a right to live comfortably as well.  Additionally, my job titles did not include "slave to my children"!  Each child had "chores" to complete--mowing the lawn, emptying the dishwasher, (eventually) doing your own laundry, or cooking the occasional meal.

Now that the kids are out on their own, I see advantages and disadvantages to this plan.  The disadvantage is easy--now I have no additional help.  Although they would complain, they were a LOT of help.  And although we don't have as much laundry or as many dishes, the lawn is no smaller and the dust piles up just as much. I am also older...much, much older.

The good news for them is that, over time, they learned how to do all the basics.  They even learned some tricks.  So, we didn't have to have a last minute cram session before they moved out.  Here are a few tips my kids found particularly useful--

If you have the money for conveniences--

• Laundry and dishwasher pods are particularly convenient
• My son didn't like cooking initially, so he found frozen entrees to be the cheapest, most convenient way to eat.  It was still cheaper than a meal plan.  Bagged salad was a great side.
• Swiffer dusters and sweepers are quick and easy for floor cleaning
• Vacuum once a week.  Use the bare floor setting if you don't have time to swiffer
• Windex and paper towels will clean countertops, kitchen appliances as well as the bathroom surfaces. (Remember that if you have natural stone countertops this isn't a good idea)
• Toilet gel stamps will keep cleaning to a minimum.
• Shower cleaning sprays will keep your shower "good enough"

But if you don't want to invest in a lot of consumable supplies

• Socks are great cleaning rags.  Get a package of tube socks and turn them inside out.  Put them on your feet and use a spray bottle of windex to clean your floors.Add a little music and the job will be fun!  Put them on your hands and use windex to clean your mirrors, kitchen and bath.  I use a dry one to dust.  Then you can just wash them with your whites each week.
• It's easier to clean as you go.  If you have a scrub sponge or shower scrubbie in your bathroom, it's easy to scrub your shower and sink with a bit of shampoo.  A spray bottle with a bit of rinse agent for your dishwasher (diluted with water) will keep the soap scum from sticking to the shower walls.  You can use your hand towel to wipe down the counters before you throw it in the wash.  One of those "touch up" bottles of cleaner on a bit of toilet paper with keep the toilet company ready...pretty much.
• Try to keep the kitchen counters clean.  If you don't think the dishes are fun on day one, they really won't be fun on day 112!  If you are lucky enough to have a dishwasher, it's probably builder grade and not up to challenge of running it "over capacity" or with food residue that has been hardening for months.  Do yourself a favor and run it every few days.  You'll thank yourself!
• Don't forget to vacuum regularly!

Household maintenance-

• If you keep a supply of extra light bulbs, laundry soap, drain cleaner and basic maintenance tools (get a plunger before you need one)...you'll be able to head a lot of problems off at the pass.
• Parents- teach your kiddos basic maintenance on the house and car.  Write the instructions down in a notebook, along with favorite recipes and hints for what to take when they don't feel well.  My daughter calls this her "mom hug book".  I included a kit of basic over the counter meds and household items to get her started.  Remember that it's hard to remember all of those emergency things in...well...an emergency!
• In the "mom hug book", you can also include reminders on tipping or phone numbers for the pizza place and the insurance company or any other "adulting" things your kids may need to remember how to do/call.  If you put everything there, they will continue it and it will be a powerful resource.
• Calendar reminders will keep you from forgetting to keep up with home and auto maintenance.

So, parents, how have you done preparing for this "education gap"?  I have found that a lot of my daughter's friends think that cleaning must be a marathon of perfection.  But they're busy studying and so they put it off until it really is a big job.  Remember, mom, good enough is good enough!  And if you have a child heading off to college in 2016, it's not too late!  Teach 'em how to wield a windex bottle now!

Oh and parents?  Remember that when the last little chick leaves the nest all the jobs come back to you. You might want to study up on the "easy cleaning" list now!  I invested in a bunch of "you don't have to bend over or crawl around on your hands and knees" cleaning supplies.  And I keep saying "good enough is good enough" (although my knees say it before I do)!

Feeling blessed, how about you?

Jesus is Coming! Put down the duster!

I have a friend who says that "if you're coming to see the house, make an appointment.  If you're coming to see us, come on over!"  What a wonderful "Mary attitude"!

On the other hand, many of us treat the Christmas season as an opportunity to audition for the "Win a Chance to Host Jesus" reality TV show.  Every decoration must be perfect, everything must be homemade and every present must be perfectly chosen and wrapped.  How "Martha" of us!

Our children  will not remember what they got for Christmas ten years from now.  They will remember dancing to "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree" with you.  They will not remember designer cookies, but they will remember standing on a stool helping you cut them out...if you're having fun.

And that's the key, people.  It's better to be in the living room, living rather than creating the "perfect Christmas" like Attila the Hun conquering the East.  I mean, really, who wants Attila the Hun as a mom?

And to relate this back to Martha's desire to be Martha Stewart--she forgot a couple of important details.  This was Jesus, baby!  How often did she get to spend time with Him?  And...they were guys.  Guys don't need designer cookies.  Give 'em a plate of nachos and they're happy.  And then she could have been in the living room with a smile on her face.

So, enjoy this season!  Make a mess, have some fun!  After all, Jesus is coming and you don't want to miss it!
Feeling blessed, how about you?

Christmas Letters

Over the years people have let me know how they feel about the infamous Christmas letter.  Some are for them, but many are against a "form letter".

My family has been writing Christmas letters for over 50 years.  I have a scrapbook full of them.  My mother would agonize for weeks over every word.  I do the same.  Does the letter hit the high points of each person's year. Is everyone equally represented?  Is it creative (some years I've been lucky just to finish the letter)?

But I have finally realized something about those letters.  They are a record of our family's history.  To you, they may be something to read and toss...but to me, they are a yearbook!

About 5 years ago, I started adding a photo greeting card to go with the letter.  Each year I save one letter for my scrapbook and one for each of the kids.  I have friends who are known for their creative letters.  I wish I was, but at least I have a record of each year!

So when you receive my Christmas letter, I hope you enjoy it.  But, if you don't, please understand that I am writing a love letter to my kids...and just sharing it with you!

Feeling blessed, how about you?

Adulting is not the hard part...

Yeah, you read that right!  You know how it is...you think that each stage you're in is the hard part.

• Kids wanna be grown ups
• Teens are smarter than grownups
• Young adults are gonna "do life" better than their parents
• There's no way I'm doing this better than my parents
• I wish my parents were here to tell me HOW to do this

And, somewhere in there, your kids grow up.  Now they're adulting...without you!  And do know what the hardest part of that is?  You don't know what is going on in their lives.  Oh, sure, you know they're still alive.  You might hear about what they made for dinner or that they went to a party with friends you've never met.  You might hear about a work project that, frankly, you don't understand.  But remember when their car was parked in your driveway and you knew that it had good tires?  Remember when they asked your advice on what to wear?  Remember when you drove to their university with a "flu care package" because you knew they were low on groceries?  You probably even remember sitting up waiting for the headlights in the driveway, so that you knew they made it home safely.  You don't have that involvement anymore.  In fact, they don't live in the same state as you do anymore.

Really, it's not about that involvement.  You've raised your kids to adult successfully.  You knew it was coming.  It's just that you don't like the feeling very much.  And you realize that you never gave your parents enough credit for adulting with adult children.  They were far better at it than you could ever hope to be...

It Takes 8 Months OR The Frozen Dogs!

We have only had rescue dogs.  They have all been wonderful dogs.  The first 2 dogs were puppies when they came to our house.  The last two were 3 year olds--they are "The Frozen Dogs"!

When you adopt an adult dogs, you're getting a dog with a history...one that you may not get any information on.  When I say that, I'm not saying that they are "bad dogs", just stating a fact.  When these dogs come to your house, they'll use their "company manners"...at least for a bit.  We had Lucky for a year before she made a mistake...she was too afraid to.  Sheba spent her first month marking her territory in every room of the house.  I read an article yesterday that might have helped us to avoid some of that...but oh well!

In both cases, though, the dog needed 8 months to settle in.  Don't give up too soon.  If your dog has guarding tendencies or any sort of aggression, please get help.  A returned dog has a much harder time being re-homed.  It is definitely worth the investment to help "Rover" fit in to your house!  Which brings us to the "Frozen dogs".

Lucky was very much like Elsa.  When she was little she had been abused.  For the entire time (14 years) we had her she worried about making a mistake.  She was a truly elegant dog, very empathetic, wanted to be loved.  She tried not to ask too much of us.  It took my husband 2 1/2 years to get her to trust him (a man had been her abuser).  Because she didn't want to be a bother, she was very easy to have around!

Sheba is totally Anna!  She is now energetic, always happy and curious.  Sometimes she's clumsy.  She seems to think  that humans were put on the planet to love her.  If she's lonely at 1 a.m., of course you'll want to be woken up to be with her.  We needed every bit of that 8 months to settle her in!  Now she sleeps at night, I've learned to go for a walk twice a day.  Since she "marked" every room in the house, she does all her business outside.  She didn't bark when we got her, but now Miss Nosey alerts whenever someone is on our property...and she's so proud of herself when she does!  Since this was our year of the empty nest, she is really good company...and instead of talking to myself, people think I'm talking to her.

So...if you're looking at a rescue dog, good for you!  Please read the article linked above.  Then give yourselves 8 months while you watch your precious dog emerge.  You'll be so glad you didn't give up!

Feeling blessed, how about you?

Thanks for the memories!

I'm coming to the end of my time with the Pinellas Parent Educators Association.  It's not because I don't support the organization.  It's not because I don't enjoy volunteering.  It's just time.  Some might even say that I stayed past my time.  After all, our last homeschooler crossed the graduation stage in 2012!

I leave the organization in great hands!  I have spent the last 10 years volunteering with a great group of people!  We've done a lot of really awesome things.  How did we know what to do?  Usually our board members plan events that they want to do with their own kiddos and then the rest of the membership gets to come along.  Some events were raging successes, some were a blip on the radar.  All you can do is try!

Naturally, there is a secret...and I'm going to let you in on it!  Are you ready?  Listen really closely...whatever you love to do, do it for your friends!  That's it!

I have a wonderful friend who has agreed to make sure everyone has something to eat at the holiday tea.  She loves to bake and cook.  She's organized.  And unfortunately for her, she's totally on my radar for our Holiday Tea.  And she graciously takes care of all the food tables for me on that one night--everyone enjoys the treats and the beverages that she has displayed for us.  And that one night makes a huge difference in the lives of 70 women!  For that one night, we aren't wives and mothers, caring for our families.  We are pampered princesses!

I have another friend who has been my "sanity keeper" this year.  This is quite an important position.  She stands beside me and takes care of all the little details that I'm not able to get to.  When she's there, I know that everything will get done...and I will even have fun.

And that's the secret.  You don't have to give your all everyday. If you are part of an organization and you enjoy their services and want the group to keep being awesome--volunteer to do one thing!  Just one.  Because if everyone does just one thing, there will be so many awesome things happening that it will be like winning the lottery.  There is another awesome advantage to helping.  Now you're part of the inner circle--where everyone knows your name.  Where you are loved.  And who doesn't need more love?

Feeling blessed, how about you?

Herd Dog's Gotta Work!

As I have said before, Sheba is our 4th dog.  In FIFTY years (only 3 of which we haven't had a dog) Sheba is our 4th dog.  All have been herding dogs.  This time is different...and I finally figured out why...

Dixie had 3 kids to supervise.  She was also pretty laid back.  We were probably pretty entertaining for her.

Casey had 2 kids to supervise.  She actually herded 2 labs and a German shepherd out of our yard once.  Another time DJ tried to go through a gate (when he was not quite 2) and this little dynamo blocked him every time until I could get there.  She weighed a mere 9 lbs...but she was quite a girl in those days!

Lucky was a couch potato.  She watched your every step...but it had to be a big deal for her to move off the couch.

Sheba was supposed to be less active.  She was for a little while.  As I mentioned in a previous post, she has now settled in and we're seeing what I believe to be the "true Sheba".  True Sheba is not so quiet.

Unfortunately for True Sheba, we are old.  There are no children to chase.  She doesn't particularly like other animals.  What True Sheba likes to do is to supervise her humans' work.  It's kind of a herd dog thing.  They work WITH their peeps.

In the "World According to True Sheba", work is NOT sitting on the couch with your laptop, figuring out SAT tips.  Work is--

• gardening (she adores being outside, as long as I am there too)
• vacuuming (although the vacuum terrifies her, it gives her something to supervise)
• cooking
• dusting
• laundry
• cleaning out the broken fridge (although I hope to not have to repeat this task for a while)

And before you suggest that I ship her out to the yard to lay in the sun while I work on my laptop...she will not go out in the yard without me (spoiled little dickens) and we have already established that working on my laptop is not working....

And since my house is the place that plants go to die...I'm not sure we'll be adding gardening to our list of chores

One thing is for sure, True Sheba will keep me moving.  Also, I think we all know who is in charge...

Feeling blessed, how about you?

When It Comes to the Wedding, Bigger Ain't Necessarily Better!

My kids are adults now.  That means that weddings are happening with great regularity.  I don't get invited to all of them.  But thanks to the wonders of Facebook, I get to see many of them!  And I realized...my age is showing!

Our son got married last August.  The wedding was beautiful.  It was very simple compared to many of my friends.  They didn't want to go into debt for the wedding, and we're proud of them for that!  They rented an art gallery...one room.  So the wedding ended and the reception started right away.  The wedding was totally them!

One of the things that has changed since when we got married, is that there is a whole pre-wedding process.  People go in before the wedding and set up.  Conversely you need a tear down crew.  Hair and makeup are a process that begins hours before the wedding.  Cakes are works of art.  If TV shows are to be believed, brides spend months shopping for the perfect dress.  Budgets must be significant (we didn't pay for our son's wedding, so we don't know).

When we got married, we didn't have TV shows that gave us wedding expectations.  The internet didn't exist.  And I didn't have any friends who had already gotten married.  All I had was a budget of $1000 which would be about $3500 today (according to an inflation calculator I used).  That included the wedding, reception, photographer, my dress, my sister's dress, my mother's dress and my dad's and brother's tuxes.

I tried on 1 wedding dress.  It was $600.  Obviously I couldn't spend that much on a dress.  So I made mine (for $80) during my spring break weekend.  I sewed for 20 hours a day for 3 days.  I prayed that it wouldn't fall apart on my way down the aisle.  I swore my mother to secrecy.  There was a spot of blood on the headpiece, where I pricked my finger while sewing on the lace appliques.  I didn't know to bustle the train, so when Mom took the dress to the cleaners, it had footprints on it!

We got married on the same day that we graduated from college.  That meant we had the chapel for about 2 hours (graduation day was back to back weddings).  We had 2 floral arrangements for the altar and 6 pew bows.  That was all the decorating we did.  Oh, and my bouquet. We took the floral arrangements with us to the reception.

I probably should mention that we graduated from college in the morning, moved out of the dorm in the afternoon and got married in the evening.

The hotels in the area were all full because of graduation, so we had one hotel room for our family of 5.  I got to the hotel room 1 hour before we had to leave for the wedding.  I had 15 minutes to do my makeup and get dressed.  I couldn't find my contacts, so I went through the wedding blind.  Actually that's not so bad because you're always on someone's arm.

Back in the day, sit down dinner receptions weren't the norm.  We had appetizers, punch and cake.  No tables and chairs.  We had a great photographer.  I figured that the day after the wedding, I had my husband and pictures.  I wanted good pictures!

And the piece de resistance was that there was gas rationing in 1979.  Many of our guests couldn't get a tank of gas, so they couldn't come.

2015 will be our 36th wedding anniversary.  And all of the things I just told you are great stories from our wedding.  So...if you can't afford the wedding of your dreams, don't worry.  Because you're still married.  And in 36 years it will be the wedding of your dreams.

Feeling blessed, how about you?