Exhale...and channel your inner dog!

I receive posts from a number of dog rescue organizations.  Most are breed specific and so they have a "breed description" on their page.  After all, if you are not a person who enjoys long walks and throwing a ball for hours; you don't want to be paired with a dog who NEEDS that or he will get into all sorts of mischief!  They don't try to change the breed programming, they try to find a family that matches it!  For example, I told a herd dog rescue--"I don't mind being herded, I just don't want to have to run to do it".

So why do we humans volunteer for jobs that aren't part of OUR programming?  It seems to start with the notion that "if not us, then who".  Well, that may be true; but that still doesn't mean that it's YOUR job! Sometimes we have to leave the opportunity for the right person to pick up.

I have been fortunate enough to be a launch team member for a fabulous new book, (which is available for pre-order now).   This book is chock full of reasons NOT to take on every volunteer position offered to you.  Serve in your area of strength or interest only.  Not sure how to figure that out?  Remember that Jesus only did what the Father told him to do....not what everyone else expected!  If you pre-order the book, you will receive the "Expectation Evaluation" to help you figure out what God is telling you!  Remember that while we are all part of the body (1 Corinthians 12) we are not ALL PARTS of the body.

Feeling blessed, how about you?

There's a Planner for that!

When I was growing up, my mother always had a planner. It was actually one given to my dad every year at work, but it didn't work for him so Mother got it.  Mother could make ANYTHING work (well, except for us kids...but that's another post).

This year our baby graduated from college.  While she has been living away for several years, she is now completely on her own and so we had to cover "planner 101 for post grad use".  This, of course, reminded me of my own struggles.  If you have a student who is soon to be an adult, this is probably a topic you want to cover the same way you cover budgets and changing a tire.

Mother never showed us the magic of planner use.  Maybe she thought we got it from osmosis, I don't know.  I do know that her organization gene skipped a generation...at least for me.  I spent years chasing her mad skills and finally developed a system of my own.  It's not as good as hers, but it works well enough!  My mother actually never had an overdue library book!  That's how good she was!  Here is what I learned from her--

1. Different planners work for different folks.  Some people LOVE a daily planner for all the details.  I prefer a weekly or monthly planner so that I don't overload several days in a row.  Don't invest a ton of money until you know what style works for you.
2. If you love office supply stores like I do, you take a BIG chance every time you go in one!  Every single little supply that feeds your planner crush will end up in your cart.  You may even end up with 12 planners because you see something new and exciting every time you go in.  You may want to avoid stores like the plague while you dial in your system!
3. You may be a person who does well with the planner on your phone.  I need something that is "in my face" and where I can put my "to do list".  However I also put appointments on my phone so that I can carry my calendar with me.
4. "Upload" all the minutiae of your life into your planner.  That's what it's for.  It will remind you of when library books are due, when you get paid, all of your appointments.  Then you don't have to use your brain cells for that!  
5. Get in the habit of "feeding the monkey" regularly.  Your planner is only as good as the details you put in it.
6. Lastly, get in the habit of looking at your planner daily.  If you don't look at it, it can't help you.

I have been through many planners.  They frequently change when life goes through change.   Currently, we're looking at retirement, so we need a calendar that works for both of us.  Because of that, I have gone back to the monthly calendar on the fridge.  I have post it note strips for our menu choices, so that I can plan the menu for the week right on the calendar.  Additionally, I loaded all the dinner menus we currently use into my phone calendar on a 4 week cycle.  I use that as a tickler to keep me from using the same menu every week and to help me remember what choices we have.  This week I used 4 of this week's choices and added the 3 that I didn't use last week, since I already had those ingredients.  I also use post it note strips for tasks that repeat like the dog's heartworm meds or air filter changes.

I also use colored (and actually erasable too) pens with a different color for each person for appointments on the calendar.  This enables everyone in the family to see what everyone else is doing.  And...the erasable pen concept speaks for itself.  I discovered that, like my mother, I was the hub who knew what everyone was up to.  If I wasn't able to tell everyone who had what scheduled, the calendar is a good stand in.  Even moms get sick days!

I'll let you in on a little secret.  I put my to do list on a post it note too.  Why? Because I rarely complete all the to do's for any given day ON that day.  It's easy to bring the list forward if it's on a post it note.  Cheating?  Perhaps, but it makes my life easier. :D  And the point is to have a system that works for you, not your neighbor!

Lastly, you'll see a little orange post it at the bottom.  I have one for each month with the family/friend birthdays for the month.  Every year, I move them over to my new calendar.  I may still be a few days late, but at least I'm remembering people's birthdays.  Of course, Mother was never even late...but it's a goal to aspire to!

Feeling blessed, how about you?

Can You Hear Me Now?

For the last 40 years I have been losing my hearing.  Nothing catastrophic, just a little each year.  Every year a new coping strategy would creep in--husband stays by side so that I don't smile and say "that's great" to a friend's tragic story at a party.  Kids speak a little louder.  You get the idea.

I tried hearing aids.  They rubbed the side of my ears raw.  I didn't enjoy the experience.  I quit wearing them.  You might be surprised to learn that they don't work as well in the box.

After 8 years of "occasional wear", the hearing aids finally gave up the ghost.  Hubs asked me to try again, because he's afraid I'll walk out in front of a car.  He has a good point, but I say it's because the cars are quieter these days! ;-)

So...last week I went through the process again.  Still have a hearing loss...I know you're shocked!  I chose a much smaller, but still rechargeable hearing aid...in HOT PINK!  You won't be able to see them under my hair and they make me happy.  I am in the "learning to adjust" phase of  wearing the new aids.  I'm doing OK with the fit, I just don't understand how the rest of you handle all the noise in everyday life.

The audiologist that fitted the aids started with a ceiling of the volume I could handle.  The headaches were so bad that we reduced that considerably today.  I have the utmost admiration for those of you with "normal" hearing who are able to function on a daily basis.  You are amazing!  In the meantime, I'll be asking Chick Fil A to turn down the "background music"...and the children!
Feeling blessed, how about you?

Hello My Name is...

Tis the season!  The season of holiday parties and events.  The season that causes all extroverts to shout "Yippee!" and all introverts to sigh "Dear Lord, no!" and all the lower functioning extroverts and high functioning introverts to say "If I must...".

We all have those situations that aren't completely comfortable because we're with a bunch of people we don't know; either because they are a new group to us or a group that we don't know that well.  We know we have to put ourselves out there, but the environment is new to us and therefore SUPER uncomfortable.

If my parents were ever uncomfortable in a social situation, they had perfected the "fake it till you make it" technique.  My mother would ask you all about your family...and then would remember each little detail for the next time she'd see you.  Dad had been known to walk up to perfect strangers and say "I'm Bill. I don't believe you've met me!".  I am not my parents.

Like most people, I do well in situations where I know the environment or the people.  But I have observed something that I think we all need to be aware of.  If you are in a situation where you are comfortable, look out for the one who isn't.

I have a sweet friend who is very social.  When she was the group meeting leader; she deputized a friend to handle the "nitty gritty details".  They weren't her strength and it freed her up to do what she did best--make people feel welcome.  When I was the group meeting leader, I was more about the details...but I forgot one very important one.  I should have deputized someone to make sure everyone felt they belonged.  This does not necessarily mean "icebreakers".  If you aren't an extrovert or part of the inner circle, those may make you want to run for the exit.  And, I'll be right behind you!

The difficulty, of course, is that if you are already part of the group, you want to catch up with the people in your group.  It's a lot more work to look out for the lost.  Besides, then you're missing out on your chance to catch up.

And...how embarrassing is it to greet someone as a newbie and then find out that they're not?  This is a particular problem in churches with multiple services.  You're never sure if someone is truly new, or if they're just at a different service.

Of course, we've all been at events where the newbies are "marked" at the entrance.  Cuz nothing says welcome like a 2 lb. mum on your shoulder marking you as "fresh meat" to all the regulars!  But, perhaps there's a way to cue the regulars without making the newbie feel as odd man out?  Maybe you could use blue nametags for regulars and red for newbies.  Maybe members of your group would walk alongside the newbies and introduce them around.  As long as the regulars "know the code",  and it doesn't make the newbies feel uncomfortable, any system will work!

Oh, and one last thing.  Someone who is new is probably not going to bare their soul to you, but they may have additional reasons for avoiding new situations.  Maybe they know they're not going to remember names (nametags?)  Maybe they've been treated badly in a similar situation.  My complication is that I have a moderate hearing loss.  I'm only going to catch about 50% of what you say, unless the room is very quiet or you speak very loudly.  And to hear that 50%, I have to listen very intently which can be a lot of work.  I'm always wondering what I missed, or misunderstood.

So, this holiday season, look for the newbie.  If you are comfortable with the environment, introduce yourself to people and bring them into your circle.  Many churches will have visitors over the next few weeks.  See if you can make a new friend every week.  Don't expect the newbie to come find you (that was actually suggested to me by a pastor once)! That's like expecting someone on their first cruise to captain the ship!  Be Jesus with skin on!

Feeling blessed, how about you?

Phases of the House...Life...Whatever!

I don't know what I expected adulthood to look like, but I'm fairly certain this wasn't it!  I was very fortunate that Mom paid for almost all the chores we did.  Of course, we didn't get a set allowance so if you wanted money, you did chores!

Then a miracle occurred!  I became a neatnik.  I don't know what cleanliness was next to, but neatness was necessary!  This carried me through college and the first few years of marriage.  In fact, I was such a neatnik that I actually polished the copper bottom off of a pan.  But momentum like that can only carry you so far.  Eventually you will enter the "higher levels" of household maintenance...

1. How in heaven's name did my mother do what she did...and why can't I?

• Somehow my mother raised 3 children, with no car during the school days, kept some sanity AND never missed an appointment or had an overdue library book.
• Additionally, we were raised in an era when babies wore cloth diapers and bottles had to be sterilized.
• Family vacations were taken to cabins, so Mom had to bring all of her supplies and rainy day entertainment for everyone (no electronics and no TV).  We rarely ate out, so she was taking the WHOLE show on the road.

       2. The children are alive, what more do you want?

• I, on the other hand, barely managed with 2 kids.  In fairness, I had one who only slept 15 minutes every 2 hours and the other is an adult and still doesn't sleep through the night.
• And...if you add in homeschooling, your new standard becomes "we either educate or we clean, we can't do both!

     3. Forget the tiara, this princess wants "staff"!

• When the kids are little, their sweet little help isn't really helpful.
• When they can help, they don't want to.
• When they're teenagers, they would prefer to live anywhere but with you!

      4. In my defense, I was left unsupervised!

• Then the children move out, and other than the cat/dog hair, the house stays "cleaner".
• Additionally, you may develop a "what does it really matter" attitude.
• And there are those Hallmark movies to watch...and don't forget social media...and hobbies and, well, "who has time for housework"?

I learned that the reason my mother was so organized is that she used her planner to the fullest, and didn't waste time.  Of course, she didn't have to contend with social media, but I still think she'd have done a better job than I have.

I've learned that a family can survive on pastries, bologna sandwiches and Stouffer's entrees when they need to.  Paper plates can be "fine china" if you want them to be!

I've learned that the relationship with your family and readying your kiddos for adulthood matters WAY more than whether the kids' outfits match or whether the shoes are on the correct feet.

I've learned that as long as your house is "good enough to avoid a visit from a social worker", no one will remember whether it was clean or not.  And friends who will remember need to visit with you at a coffee shop!

I've learned that it is more important for your children to know HOW to learn and how to ask questions than it is to "help" them so that you have honor students.  After all, what's the honor in that?  Additionally it is important to give them a chance to practice adulting!

I've learned that ALL of your family need to know that you believe in them.

AND, I've learned that I enjoy being unsupervised!

Feeling blessed, how about you?

"I think I can!"

Do you think you can?

At the Family Weekend for our daughter's university, I was able to speak to the President of the university about predictors of success.  Since this is a STEM university; there are students who are exceedingly book smart, but not always successful.  This is not only because they are a STEM university;  there have been a number of articles written recently about young men and women who don't have the "keys for success".  Why do some students flourish and others fail?

The general consensus is that if a person is able to dig down and try again and even learn from what they did the first time; those are people who will succeed.  Call it grit, moxie or whatever ever you want; but be like the "little engine that could".

Did you notice that the predictor of success has nothing to do with intelligence?  It has to do with your hunger for success.  It has to do with your ability to pick yourself up and try again.  It has to do with your ability to say "well, let's not try it THAT way again" and try something different.  And it might have a little something to do with listening to those who have gone before you.  It has everything to do with SHOWING UP each and every day!

It is also important to remember that the person who crosses the finish line last...still finished.  Not everyone is going to be a shining star.  And that's a good thing, because slow and steady wins the race.

For example, our daughter worked her internship this summer.  She told the company that she was interested in any part time opportunities that might come up.  At the beginning of the semester, she hadn't heard from them, but a professor at the university asked her to be his teaching assistant.  Did you notice that?  She didn't apply for a job posting, he approached her BECAUSE she had been an involved, hard working student in his classes.  Six weeks after that, her internship company contacted her about a part time project that they need help  with.  You never know which contacts are going to bear fruit.  Always do your best.  Always show up.  And remember that you don't have to be THE best, but you do have to be YOUR best!

Feeling blessed, how about you?

The Crisis and the Pity Pool!

Ten days ago, Florida experienced a hurricane.  A massive hurricane.  A hurricane that covered our entire state, and then some.  It went over Carribbean islands as a Cat 5 and was a "mere" Cat 4 when it came ashore around Naples.  Irma was a Cat 1 by the time she got to us, which was a very good thing.

But, it is important to remember a few things--Houston was devastated by Hurricane Harvey beginning on 8/25/17.  Hurricane Irma,  although it didn't make landfall in the states until 9/10/17, was being closely watched by all media (all the time) from Labor Day (9/4) on. And we thought we were going to be hit by a stronger hurricane until a few hours before it made landfall. Hurricane Maria formed the following weekend, following an eerily similar (and for the the Carribbean islands, as devastating a) path as Irma .

All this is to say that being at DEFCON 1 (maybe 2, if you don't get easily ruffled) is a very wearing place to live. Yes, we only had minor damage to the house, but it took us a week to prepare and a week to clean up; we have a roof repair yet, and there is currently a large, partially separated branch dangling directly over our power line.  The only benefit over Hurricane Hugo, which we also went through, is that I didn't have to wait 2 days to find out if Cindy was OK at her apartment because we never lost our cell phones.

Which brings me to those cute little puppies in the pool.  Folks--we all have a pity pool.  Some are bigger than others.  Some are used more frequently; BUT we all have them.  They are not a bad thing.  They are a coping skill.  You'll notice that I did not call it a pity bathtub.  It is not for soaking in until your skin is pruney.   But, if life hands you lemons, then you deserve, and have earned, a dip in the pity pool.  You'll feel better if you acknowledge that life is not fun.  You'll feel even better if your friends honor your "pool time".

As God would have it, my Bible study is currently in Job.  Imagine if, instead of pontificating from their posteriors, Job's friends had acknowledged that his life currently stunk.  It wouldn't have changed his circumstances, except that he wouldn't have felt so alone.  And that, my friends, would have made all the difference.

They wouldn't have had to join him in the pity pool, just given him the right to be there.  And prayed for him.  And stood by him.  And, maybe even reminded him that the pity pool is not a spa.  When you go through trauma, you need your faith, your family and your friends.  Job had none of that.  We can do better for our friends.

If you need me, I'll be swirling my toesies in my inflatable pity pool!  Care to join me?
Feeling blessed, how about you?